The Problem With Promoting Men's Work

It has been a growing part of my practice to work with men on men's issues. For many of my clients the work is about tapping into a deeper relationship with their own emotions. For others it is finding comfort in humility and being able to say, "I don't know." For some men it is helping them find a healthy relationship with a sense of determination, purpose, and drive. Some of my clients have witnessed unhealthy masculine energy around them their entire lives and have shied away from their own masculinity because they do not want to embody that themselves and be part of the problem, so the work with them is about helping them honor their own power and step into a greater presence.

One of the interesting things about being a male practitioner is being able to confidently provide guidance space for men to explore these edges of their own identity. I have seen several male clients of mine thrive on having this kind of connection; there is implicit (and explicit) validation for their own manhood and masculinity by being witnessed in this process by another man.

Men need connection with other men. There is a kind of support and connection and communion that only men can provide other men. This is not to deride or invalidate the support and love that women provide men, but there is a different quality that comes with a sense of brotherhood.

So, I have worked to promote men's work. In addition to my individual work with clients, the Pioneer Men's SING is a space for men to experience and explore their personal connection to the divine through the natural world. I have spoken with men's coaches Brian Jaudon and John Griffith on the Inspired Being Podcast about this urgent issue and how we can be part of the solution to what ails us all.

With John, I created both a weekend retreat and a multi-week program to help provide a framework for men to embody a full, balanced, grounded, soulful, divine masculine energy. After much work on the substance and title for the group, we settled on Sovereign Masculine, and tagged it with "Power. Purpose. Brotherhood."

This is exactly the energy that is needed:

• Men standing in their own sovereign power (which is soulful and boundaried - it is not about power over another)

• Finding something soufully resonant to be in service of - a purpose which transcends the wants of self-centered motives

• Being with a community of like-minded men who will share in vulnerability, accountability, and embodiment of this higher-vibe, broader masculine energy

Yet, when we promote a men's group, or retreat, or workshop, with those terms, there is understandable backlash. Comments such "Wear your pointed white hats boyz." and "Have fun at camp fellas" are rooted in this deep distrust of men.

The distrust of men is deeply warranted (the trend of videos asking men if they would prefer their daughters meet a bear or a man in the woods is quite telling of this collective mistrust) because the immature, egoic, self-centered masculine energy is loud and dangerous, having inflicted truly untold damage to women, animals, plants, and to the planet as a whole.

When the energies which can act as a solution are seen as perpetuating the same problems, we are really stuck. Men stepping into their own sovereignty is exactly what is needed. To be a healthy sovereign is to be one's own king, kindly and strongly ruling over all that exists... in one's inner world. True power is power over self, not others.

True purpose is a north star to something that is greater than us, engendering humility and patience, and offering us the space to prioritize our own individual wants and needs appropriately.

True brotherhood is a path of fidelity, respect, and partnership.

It is these ideals that I work to embody and promote to others. It is an uphill climb, not just given the cultural conditioning and systemic issues which reward more unhealhty behavior, because the very medicine that is needed is villified. No doubt, these terms of Power, Purpose, Brotherhood can be, and sadly have been, used to expand gangs or radicalize disaffected people to violence.

This is not reason to shy away from the terms, but rather to lean into them and give them deeper meaning. Let's have the soulful, boundaried, next-level definitions of these terms take root.

Curious on how you can be part of the solution? Curious about developing these qualities within yourself?

Check out all the details of the upcoming Sovereign Masculine retreat!

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